Romance blues

Is being cancelled on the same as being stood up? If it is, I have been.

I honestly don't think I've ever been stood up before though that could be because I don't really date much, contrary to what this blog implies. But tonight I was and the culprit is...The Flirt. Big surprise-not.

I actually thought we'd finally go on a proper date. The plan was for him to pick me up after I finished at open evening at work tonight and go for a drink but I got a text at quarter past 8 saying he couldn't make it. We were supposed to be meeting at 9. It's a bloody good job someone from work could give me a lift home.

If you hadn't noticed I'm a tad annoyed so this is a very short, very angry blog and I'm now going to have a cup of tea n a chocolate eclair to cheer me up.

Anyone for a chat?

Sooo I applied to an online freelance journalism site thing today in the hope of actually starting a career in journalism. And some money more money would be nice too. Fingers crossed I'll actually get on :s

Once again I must apologise for not writing for a while but I've been busy and to be honest- I haven't know what to write about. Mind you all I seem to be writing about lately is my love life! Speaking of which I may as well provide an update;

The Date asked me to go camping with him and some of his mates. I refused because basically it was a booty call- uhhuh NO!

Cookie/mistaken identity guy once again asked me over to his for, I quote- a DVD and sex. I didn't even bother replying. I mean please, just please!

The Flirt is still happily texting every day and I live in hope that this week we may actually have a date.

So that's it for the love life. I am apparently a magnet for unwanted booty calls yet can't secure a date with the one guy I actually really like. Life sucks.

On a rather sad note my friends are leaving me again 'sob'. OK so only some of them and they're only going back to uni but that's not the point. I will once more have no social life. I love it when they're back 'cos we do the whole catch up thing which means we get rather drunk and chat for hours on end. That is possibly the definition of a good time.

I will eventually write about the trip to Paris. In fact I may give a step by step account of the trip to Paris. It depends how bored I am and how mean I feel. I really shouldn't put people through the stereotypical holiday story. But, seriously, I need to go back. Even if it's just to chill and write. Though I think the plan is to go to Venice next which would be fantastic. I admit to having had a mild obsession with the floating city for a few years now. I want to see Piazza San Marco!

I really should learn some Italian...

Update

I've had requests for an update to the dating situation so here goes;

The Date has disappeared. I'm not exactly sure where, why or, lets face it, when. I vaguely recall some drunken, suggestive texts but since I received them at some point between going to bed and getting up I think I can be forgiven for not remembering the details. Or even my replies. I'm pretty sure they were at least scathing and probably very annoyed but come on! I was trying to sleep! Anyway he's promptly disappeared into the wide blue yonder. Or possibly the blue lagoon.

Cookie/Mistaken Identity Guy was a part of my life for a grand total of 1 date n 3 weeks. for 2 weeks of which I was on holiday and therefore didn't text him. I had issues with his bossiness and attempts at superiority. I say attempts because they failed. Apparently age does not bring forth wisdom. So he's gone. Though I must say it was a very polite break up. He said if I ever wanted to go to the cinema or something we could, no strings attached. I'm thinking not. Especially as I saw him in the pizza place while I was out with 2 of my old schoolmates on Saturday night. He proceeded to mostly ignore me, flirt with my mate and then send me a text after he left telling me to go stay at his. The answer was a resounding NO.

Speaking of the pizza place i must confess to a major crush on a guy who's come to be known to all my friends as Pizza Guy. But seeing as he's only ever seen me very drunk and slightly disorderly every few weeks after a night on the town I don't foresee much happening in that department.

The Flirt however is most definitely still around and became positively romantic whilst I was texting him from Paris (more info on Paris coming soon :D) I'm talking about him randomly saying he loved me! Though I'm taking that with a pinch of salt because he changes his mind more than a woman trying to decide what to wear.
My skepticism is perhaps well earned because since meeting him and going for a drive one night last week (minus parking thank you very much) his attention has once again waned. I'm beginning to suspect a condition like lycanthropy but instead of turning into a wolf once a month he turns into a romantic. I think I need help. Should I put up with this guy or get over it?

Unfortunately matters of the heart are not helped by the questions of the head.

On a lighter note I've possibly been rather too flirty on Saturday night with another older guy. RAF Guy is nice but I think that my habit of dancing outrageously and flirtily due to my adoration of dancing and having a good time along with the consumption of copious amounts of straight vodka (I swear I should be Russian) has given him the wrong idea. Very little ever happens with guys I dance with.

I am not a slapper honest :(

Dating

So I know this wasn't supposed to be a dating blog but I have to talk about this- I'm suddenly popular with men!

My relationship history before a few weeks ago was tragic. I'd had boyfriends in school and the occasional drunken snog since but that's been pretty much it, apart from a long-term flirtation with a guy I've known since we were kids that's just going nowhere.

But now I actually have choices.

Remember The Date? Well he's one of the choices. We've actually been on another date since then. It started out as a coffee but we ended up at the cinema again. I think he just really wanted to see Twilight Saga: Eclipse to be honest but so did I so it worked out well. plus he paid. Anyway he now wants me to stay over at his but "nothing has to happen". Hmmm... the problem is The Flirt knows him and he's told me some kinda bad stuff about. I don't know whether he's telling the truth or if he's just jealous.

The other choice is a guy I met on Saturday when i was out round town for my sister-in-law's 21st. He asked for my number when I was buying a pizza whilst trashed. He texted me the very next day and we've been talking ever since. He seems kinda nice and he's invited me out for a meal on Thursday night. We've actually talked about quite a lot, not just randomly chatted. We've discussed jobs, pets, coffee shops, cookies... lol. We agreed that Millies Cookies are delicious. So yeah we seem to have stuff in common and we have a laugh.

There's just 2 flies in the ointment
1. He's 29 and I'm 20 (minor difference I know but it still feels weird)
and 2. He said I looked really sexy on Saturday night. In my white dress.

I was wearing a black top and a pale pink skirt with black cats on on Saturday.

Yeah, I'm a little worried now. But I guess I'll just have to see what happens on Thursday. Assuming he still wants to meet up.

I'm back!

I know I kind of disappeared for a while but I've been kind of busy and I'm back now :)

OK, so, news. Today I got another tattoo. This one's on the back of my neck and it's a sun and moon mixed thing that the guy at the tattoo parlour designed especially for me from my basic idea. I feel so privileged! It's more symbolic than an actual picture, a point emphasised by my brother when he reacted by saying, "what is it?". The idea is that it symbolises my paganism i.e. the fact that my goddess and god are represented by the sun and moon.

Yes, I'm strange. No, I don't care.

I go on holiday next weekend. To my favourite place ever- Whitby. I seriously can't wait! I thoroughly intend to just relax for a week. I'm gonna go for a ride (hopefully on the beach), spend time with my adorable nieces and walk 2 miles a night into the bay and back with the dog. I did that the last time I went and lost nearly 2 dress sizes! I'm gonna practice photography and writing too. But I'm not taking my laptop. I fancy some solitude.

And then after Whitby I go to Paris, Monday 'til Friday. I'm looking forward to it but kind of nervous. I don't go abroad. But I'm sure it'll be fine and I'll have a really good time. I hope.

Well I've bought some new music for my Ipod so I just have to buy some new books. I'm thinking The lord of the rings...

Money- what's it good for?

Why is money so important?

I mean seriously- our lives revolve around it. We study and train and take exams so that we can earn lots of the stuff, then we get a job which for the vast majority of people is NOT what they dreamed of doing as a kid, then we work our butts off to keep earning the stuff while also planning ways of how to make more. Then we spend it and begin the cycle of earning and spending all over again.

Does this make sense? 'Cos it doesn't to me!

Ok so money means we can survive. How did that happen? It makes life more enjoyable, yes, but we're totally and utterly dependant on it. We need it to buy food, heat and water, the basic necessities of life.

Now, I love shopping. We know this. And as much as i'm all for environmental protection and nature and everything i honestly can't imagine living without money. And i'm not rich. I don't own designer clothes and a huge house. Hell I don't even have my own house! I live with my father. Because among other reasons, it just costs so much money.

Whereas living here I don't pay the bills, the council tax or the mortgage. Yes, i'm spoiled. But I do do the chores and stuff. And I pay for everything for my pets (an average bill running to £100 a month).

But again it's all dependent on money.

And money cannot make us happy.

I have a job that, lets face it, i'm beginning to really dislike. It's nothing to do with what I trained for/ still training for, the students are mostly vile to me and i'm much more suited to receiving education than providing it. I want to study. I want to write. But I daren't sacrifice the regular wage packet for the uncertainty of freelance journalist work or possible bar work while I study.

So I have the money to spend, mostly on whatever I want, but i'm not doing what I want and what i've spent 4 years training for so far.

And, basically, i'm not really happy.

Duh...!

I can safely say that it is true that women are great at multitasking. As I type i'm cooking salmon and fresh veg. I am a domestic goddess! not.

Speaking of food....

When I left work earlier I went shopping for a nice, sophisticated, short black dress. The search for said dress left me feeling short, fat and seriously unsexy.

So what did I do? Accept the fact that I am short and dumpy and buy myself something pretty and comfy? Decide once and for all that I was going to join the gym and lose weight?

no.

I bought myself a Mcdonalds to cheer me up.

Yes I bought an example of the epitome of unhealthy food. But at least it tasted nice.

I think I missed the main point of WHY I was fed up. Or maybe I was just conveniently forgetting it.

Whatever the reason I now feel even fatter and more unsexy than ever and I don't even have a dress.

If I don't find one soon i'm going to have to wear a black bin bag with those stilettos.

The return of The Date and his immediate dismissal

I am forced to conclude that many (not all) men are presumptuous gits.

Remember I said that The Date hadn't contacted me at all since Saturday? well yesterday I was shocked and annoyed to receive a text from him at 2.30am asking, of all things, if he could come to mine later on in the day! Ok so I didn't actually get the message until about 10 when I got up but it could've woken me, which is just rude.

And let's face it, he didn't want to come to mine for a cuppa and a chat. Git.

Because I was annoyed I sent 'can't i'm busy. sorry' which lead to him asking if he'd upset me. Despite wanting to reply sarcastically with 'Oh no I just love it when guys don't reply and then want to come round and get their leg over a week later!' I resisted the urge and instead merely said 'i'm just really busy right now'. In an apparent attempt to appear gentlemanly he proceeding to offer his assistance with anything should I need it. My retort was a curt 'thanks'.

After that I assumed all correspondance was at an end for the forseeable future so was therefore, understandably, shocked to receive a message a few hours later with the phrase 'can't wait to see you again'. He is apparently under the misapprehansion that he will, indeed, see me again.

I think not.

Dracula to corsets

So... i'm reading Dracula again. Bloody good book- well written, nice format with the journal entries and letters. But it's quite possible that it reaches my top 10 because it's part set in my favourite place in the world. Whitby. The little seaside town that stole my heart years ago. The place, along with Robin Hoods Bay just down the coast, which is the only place I feel totally content. And when I read this book it's almost like i'm there. I can visualise the streets, The Cresent, the graveyard at St Mary's and, of course, the Abbey.

It is truly amazing (to me at least) when you first see the Abbey as you enter the town. It makes me feel like i'm finally home. I will eventually move there. when I can afford it. I already chose my house.

Here I think I must confess- I go to Whitby Goth Weekend every year and have dressed up for 3 years now. And it's bloody fantastic!

Goth's seem to have a bad rep which is totally unfounded. Apart from the usual idiotic kids who just want the label and screw it up for everyone else. But honestly, everyone is just so nice! People that you've never met before in your life will smile at you and say how great you look.

And the clothes! I can safely say that there are several fortunes worth of outfit wandering around that town twice a year. I unfortunately don't have the budget for the clothes i'd like (although I seriously recommend Moonmaiden Gothic Clothing an online seller who handmakes everything for a really good price) but my outfit was still worth about £100 and mine was kind of plain!

But I think this year i'll spend a bit of my hard-earned cash on at least a new corset.

Even if i'm only a part-time goth.

All is not well in the land of Nik or first date boredom

I'm fed up. Really fed up and I do not have the energy to give a stuff about much.
I blame the non-event that was my first ever real date. Real as in organised as such. Well I think it was a date but i'm a little hazy on the fact now.

Anyway, details-
It took days to actually come to a decision about what to do! I suggested going for a drink because, you know, everyone seems to do that for a first date. He said yeah which I figured was a good sign but we then didn't actually make a decision as to where and when. I'll play it cool I thought, so play it cool I did. He finally got back to me on Thursday and yet again we still didn't arrange a time and place. He said he'd let me know on saturday.

Saturday came and I sent him a text asking what the plan was. He did actually reply and asked if we could meet up in the afternoon instead of evening. I agreed thinking we could go for a coffee and immediately began fretting about my outfit because i'd chosen one for evening.

A few hours later I got a text asking if I wanted to go to the cinema instead. I thought 'ooooh we're getting more like a date now' so I, obviously, agreed and we chose street dance 3D (by the way that film's great).

We met at the cinema half an hour before the film started and, happily, The Date bought my ticket. 'Not bad' I thought. Then he saw some lasses he knew from school and proceeded to talk to them for about 15 minutes. I think at this point I should point out that my date was 18 which makes me feel like a cradle snatcher when actually it's only two years difference. From the conversation I was forced to listen to awkwardly in silence I began to formulate the opinion that The Date was indeed juvenile. 'Shit' I thought. This better be good.

We proceeded into the cinema.

The date is even more opinionated than me. At least when I give my opinion I talk at a respectable volume and allow others their own opinion. The Date is loud. He complained about the 3D glasses, made me feel vaguely guilty for picking this film to go to though I don't think he actually meant to and laughed rather loudly at jokes he made that were not,in fact, that funny. 'Still', I thought, 'at least he's not moody'.

The film began. The film in fact is great. I was rather amused and, I confess, felt quite optimistic when, as a lass in a nightshirt danced for her boyfriend, The Date said,'I'm not looking I promise'. 'Hmmm looks like it is a proper date...' I thought. A feeling accentuated when he later held my hand.

As has happened every time i've been to the cinema with a guy the hand wandered towards the thigh but I was enjoying the film so felt no need to remove it. After all, it was only the thigh.

I confess that the two times he excused himself to the loo I wasn't exactly bereft at his departure. Surely a bad sign. But we were laughing together at the film and the hand-holding continued so I was pretty happy.

The film finished and, unlike when I go with friends, we left immediately. There was no more hand-holding. The Date offered me a lift which was helpful as I can't actually drive and we chatted a bit in the car. By 'chatting' I mean that he talked and I occasionally commented.

As he pulled up outside my house I said thanks and sort of paused to see if i'd get a snog. I got a kiss of the kind that a child gives. A peck. No tongues and, basically, no emotion.

That's when I felt bereft.

I went in and recieved more attention from my dogs in 2 minutes than I did from The Date all afternoon. I was home by 6 for gods sake!

On Sunday morning I sent him a text saying i'd had a good time and thanks. It is now Tuesday and I have heard absoulutely nothing from him.

Something tells me he's just not interested.

I am therefore incredibly annoyed, suffering from a lack in confidence and am now imagining becoming a sad, lonely spinster with only dogs for company. I wouldn't mind if I could just be a 'career woman' but as the journalism hasn't even passed go, let alone collected £250 I think that's unlikely don't you?

Spinster life awaits.

Guilt at Lipsy and other buys.

Why did I decide to take mum to Meadowhall? I spent over £100 in one day which is kind of bad for me, but at least I managed to carry on my trend of getting bargains. I even got one of the things I actually went for!

Yes, I bought a new pair of black stilettos.

I wanted a pair that would go with everything- my suits, my dresses (especially this summer's bargain floral print I got from Tesco) and even a pair of black jeans which is probably my favourite outfit right now. And I appear to have found a pair. Black patent stiletto court shoes from Barrats, fitted with help from the two lovely ladies who were helping me. Between them, me and mum we decided to get the larger size but fit them with insoles and heel grips rather then force them into the smaller ones. Hopefully the insole will help to avoid the feeling that the balls of my feet have been run up and down a cheesegrater then dipped in turpentine which is the unfortunate side effect of wearing high heels for any length of time.

And they only cost £30!

I must confess to my guilty secret. I bought a lipsy necklace basically because I wanted something from there. Plus I really liked the bags. Seriously, I bought a £12 necklace and received it wrapped in tissue paper and placed in a shiny cardboard bag that was tied with a lipsy ribbon. Yes I made sure it was easily visible for the rest of the day and yes, I am sad.

Other than that I got a pretty cute leatherette sleeveless biker jacket for £13 from Primark which is enough of a bargain to negate the guilt of lipsy, along with several tank tops for the grand total of £1.50 each! Well they're the major bargains but, naturally there were others.

Oh I also upheld my status of environmentally conscious scientist person by getting one of those 100% cotton bags from primark and also going on the train rather than taking a car.

So that was my trip to Meadowhall with mum, who says she really enjoyed it and i'm not too terrible to shop with although she's not going in a shoe shop with me ever agin because I take too long to decide.

(In other news I actually have a proper date this saturday night. Oh god i've never dated! what the hell do I wear...?!)

Down the rabbit hole of Canine Couture...

Today I spent over £100 on pet food. Just food and dental treats for the dogs. And tomorrow I have another bag of feed to buy as well as the lead I had reserved at one of my favourite shops, Canine Couture. It's marked up at £18 but I actually spend so much money there that I get discount so i'm hoping it'll be cheaper.

The funny thing is, I don't actually own a lap dog, or handbag dog or whatever it's called. My 'It Dog' is a labrador. Seriously, Alfie has tons of collars and leads (sets of course) but he also has clothes and not just coats. I've bought him hoodies, t-shirts, vest type things, and the aforementioned coats. I think the last count for coats was 5 and a pack-a-mac! Which i know is unbelievable 90s.

And luggage. Yes my dogs have luggage. They're actually those extra large handbag things that people carry pugs and chihuahuas in. At the minute the girls have a nice white patent thing and Alfie still has the camo print one that I bought him during my recent 'he looks so cute in camo!' phase. Needless to say that now i am past that phase he needs an entire new wardrobe- without camo print.


And speaking of wardrobes, in the literal sense they are indeed getting an entire new wardrobe, as am I. Because i'm converting the spare room into a closet/office and there will be storage provision for the dogs clothes.

But looking at the enormous range of ridiculous clothes out there I remain confident of the fact that I am not the saddest person with a dog out there. I have, after all, never put Alfie in a dress.

Please sir can I have some more?

OMG I appreciate that this is kinda strange but i just have to exhort the virtues of Stroganoff! Well the ready meal version from tesco anyway. It is officially my new favourite meal. I have to try other versions. Yes i'm sad.

But at least I eat! I am in fact a total pig. I love food. Is that bad? I'm pretty sure that it's definately not 'fashionable'. Ok maybe I shouldn't eat quite as much chocolate as I do, or the flapjack that our lovely school dinner ladies cook. Especially considering i'm diabetic. But that is a discussion for me, my nurse and my quite possibly appalled dietition.

Plus, I work it off! I'm still a size 12/14 for god's sake. (english sizes obviously, I love the fact that in America i'm like an 8/10!)

I don't get why so many girls my age don't eat. Where's the pleasure in life?! Enjoy the huge range of flavours and the wonderful feeling of a full stomach!

And if you're worried about a smooth silluette in that pretty dress- wear some stomach-holding-in-knickers. Which is exactly what I intend to do the next time I go out.

So keep the Stroganoff coming!

Where for art thou kennels?

It is apparently nigh on impossible to get hold of a boarding kennels.

I need to book the two girls into kennels for when I go on holiday. Alfie's coming with me which I know must seem mean on the girls but they're both terrified of crowds. In fact, the Honey Monster ( my northern inuit) is scared of people in general! Which is a bit daft considering that she can floor someone with a single push n has jaws like a wolf, but there you go.

Anyway, back to the kennels. I have been calling them in my lunch breaks for about 3 weeks and left several rambling voicemail messages. And still haven't managed to get them booked in. I think it's just sods law really. I either get voicemail or the engaged tone and when I call back I get the other. They did call me back one time but it was period 5 and I had a class so obviously couldn't pick up. See? Sod's law. Bloody sod.

I'm seriously running out of time. I need them booked for the 6th August! I just hope that they still have space when I finally do get them booked in because if not- i'm screwed...

Was that summer?

England has quite possibly just had summer. For 3 days.

Yep, the sun came out, the clouds went away and the temperatures reached 20 degrees C. The country was taken over by short denim shorts n bikinis. In the absence of a pair of short denim shorts I proceeded to make a pair. It took a pair of jeans that the dogs had chewed, a large pair of scissors and the space of 10 minutes before I had to be at my sister's BBQ. And nobody noticed they weren't bought that way! Pure genius, even if I say so myself.

We also had a mini rebellion at work on friday when we were told that we can't let kids out of class to get a drink of water. I'm still not totally sure why but possibly to prevent that well known childhood affliction of 'spontaneous cover your friends in water syndrome'.

Oh to be young again... hang on i'm only 20! Ok I feel old now.

The forecast says that instead of this lovely sunshine actually lasting a respectable amount of time, it'll be cool again by wednesday. Dammit.

I think I can safely say that i'm still going to take jumpers when I go camping in August. Whitby may be my favourite place in the world right now but it's bloody freezing when it wants to be.

On that note i'm actually going to go do some work now. Seeing as i'm hiding in my prep room pretending. But I didn't say that. Beacuse naturally I would never do such a terrible thing! (sheepish face :S)

Technician fashion (or lack of)

Why didn't I get a nice office job? You know, one where I could wear nice, smart clothes and, most importantly, HEELS?

The receptionists at work always look good, trust me. I'm talking suits, jewellery and the aforementioned heels. The teachers dress similarly too. The women anyway.

And then there's me.

I'm a technician. I'm running between 2 different departments all day which are, of course, at opposite ends of the school. And when i'm there sitting down is not part of my job description. So no heels for me. I have boots. Boring, flat boots. And cheap.

Which brings me to the next problem. On a daily basis I work with wood (dusty), metal (greasy) and chemicals (everything!). I already have lovely orange blobs from god only knows what chemical on a nice black top. Only cheap clothes possible then.

And jewellery? Not a chance. machines? chemicals? Bunsen burners? yeah. No jewellery. Which is a bugger cos that's pretty much how I do anything with any outfit. Keep it simple, work the statement necklace, sorted. Damn.

So yeah. should've got an office job. Or even better, work from home then I can stay in my scruffy jeans and baggy tshirt.

Because even style has limits.

Happiness by Gucci

Ok so we're about halfway through the month and I have absolutely no money left.

I didn't even buy anything ridiculously expensive this month!

O wait I forgot about my dad's new coat. In my defense it was a fantastic bargain- i got a cashmere blend overcoat worth £200 for 50 quid. How good is that?! I love change of season sales!

It was a great month for bargains.

I went shopping with my mum like I do every month and in a lowly little charity shop on scunthorpe high street we found a Gucci handbag. Well i think its genuine. If not it's a really good copy. And it cost me, wait for it... a tenner. Yup 10 tiny pounds.

It may be god knows how many seasons out of date, it may be battered, it may have a slightly worrying stain on the lining, but she loves it and that my friends is worth the damn thing's weight in gold.